Stuck
Outside the mobile, absent at your door, lost in excuses, have mercy on parole. The motives were clear, the memes obvious, still the same feeling of degraded citizenship. I never was real, i never was right, neither did you had feelings about me. The silent breaks, the mecanical schism, discussions with a chemist as a therapy. Golden noon, all the dust that remains, the glitter of ashes and the bones. I wandered the wrong, i felt the void and enjoyed it. The casual fear of flying, meant by mean means. I was right about what's wrong with it but hte debugger turns false when it comes to fleshspace.
Hidden sight
I used to be mesmerized, now i fail to hope. Broken bones, the dope show is over, the carnival that never was has finished luring my inner cell. Now you know, there are things you can initiate to conjure but odds are you never will. You took the trip with the excuse to climb the pyramids whenn all you wanted was to contemplate the fall of the egyptian empire. There comes the vain and the blank, the tiny castles of sand i try to achieve when all you nned is more than i can proceed or afford. Insight and farewells.
Depressed
When the constant distress turns to depression, when the monet turns the chromatic serial, then something to brought to dust and there's no way back, no direction home. I discard this kind of perspective. Black wings just like the suffi's gospel. Being a goat. Not-being anymore. Hopeless as an ape loose, golden noon, blank moon, nevermidnight. She decides who to free and how to blame. To me freedom is not happyness but then there's this socialized context. I took you back to the station. I took off later for another coding span, but then again was i not really there. He who punishes, knew me from when, is about to leave me as a facility, facecious, commodity. If void is then i'd rather something else.
Out of tune
If ever was i sound enough to expell or compell. Bubblebath, stranger remains of dreams. No lushious fantasy nor deprecated tales of another death. It still does bleed if ever you were to ask. Olympic moods are for you. I wear the cases of casual. I go naked of moods, feisted of memories, helpless of love. The roots are only accounts to me and the shell is closed with the terminal if ever you ask me. I can't get a witness nor ask for a judge, all i need is a sparkling dying lamp, the lamb that shelter requires. Even though i'm unable to decipher, i'll ask for sign on this day.
Wolves
I heard them on the outside. I saw one in the mediation of a movie on a glass screen. I don't experience by myself but i seldom hear stories from the outside. Mediation and repetition were my last links. Now i'm brain gone, dead wrong and gray silenced. The lack of experience and opportune chances of acting make is oppositely difficult to realize. I don't have much more than remains of options, ashes of a status, dust of the possiblities to act or perform. That's 21 times than what it's worth, the same ratio than the probability of anything to change from that point of view. I won't challenge that king of a mess. I simply won't try any harder.
Weakness
That's how weak i am. Pokes and tiny calls, i'm on the way to the outisde of the city, the subburbs as it is at least doom. Strangers populating the place and a familiar face, once seen, long admired. The point as that it felt rejunivating. Not in the sense that i could be younger than i am but in the way that i dive in a well of newbornness. That how a wanker i am. I did dive. It stills feels like i'm up for grabs but that won't happen. Sandbox experiences. Closed circuit, uneasy but faithful smiles. That's how wrong i can get. Unable to decipher signs and read physical situations. Neither was i introduced, neither was i part of the show. Walked my way home.
Lunatic
She tried to tell me but i was def or already dead flesh. The tide is gone, let's play ping pong. It's her turn to do something. I've been accused in silence, same jokes about my dumbness, silent defences, you don't give a fuck. Sandboxed. I'll try to play cards a bit latter but there's no science about that, i'll have to blind guess for a infinite while. I've given some thought about the victims and i still thinksthat the odds have always been against me. Justice fades in time.
Usurpation
Fake analyst plants seeds without a word or consequences. I feel so fake. No way home. I faked up all my stories, past failures and unopportune futures. That's how a false decoy i am. Days are gone ever since. Dices and fair enough game being. Velocities, urbanism of lies, consequences of being fake. The operators and the admins will find out about it. Regulation monster will invade fiscally to domain. More alarm clocks, false statements and reasons not to hope. I invest buti do feel likefor sale and on sale. At least did i used to be.
Model
The cover of a magazine, i want to see her again. Backwards. Swaping shrinks if it helps, neither the other side. Minister plan, gigs and booth, it's not looking good. The market is down, i'm up for grabs but they sell options as a lifestyle. Don't want to get stoned, tired of trying to find a home, incremental shelter, opera and action, tiny tears hidden inside. Lacks style. No good, no bueno, hustling myself in situ. Bank switch, new start, golden crowns and plain gold rings. Negation of myself, the feelings i don't have or can't pretend to handle. The not-being lasts forever.
Remote view
To meet her again. Optimetrics and statistics, odds and spectaculars. Nobody moves, rules laid still, the guidance or the instance, whatever she will offer. No class citizen being, i can't affor to make all the first steps. If you wanted to dance, if you needed to drink, what am i to do, waiting for the clue's signal. Signs i don't understand in real time, shifted from reallity, soundbites, pain and plain decay. Attacking memes, virus of their souls, being no class, dumber than your overage atom. Triplets in databases, i'm still waiting for a clear signal, a way of handling the fact that it ain't anymore. Tips on tape, whatever.
Controler
Remote scriptingfor hours, i shall not be able to complete that level, too many signs and too weak a signal. Departed or dead, i am willing to try. This maze and the clues it includes are unsafe but i've been the gameall along the way. You make me crawl the floor, denial of citizenship, poor karma, lower counts, blood tense, streetwise. I step down and wait for something to strike even if it's yet another stroke. The time, the tide, how pretenscious. I don't care what it is, i spend my drugs to fight for castles in Ticcino. Deep inside, i don't have love.
Seldom swap
It's destination is a shock, i end up talking like a cop, that's how bad i lost the point. Later, sooner, whenever. Who can't you trust ? The spin of the hospital prospect, that loathing, how low can you drown ? I forget myself in the contemplation of numb numbers, waiting for a foggy day to walk past the bus near the frontier. I am bored to death, litteraly. Discard.
Down
Being down, don't want to be helped, don't want not get cured, down. Not-being, no transport, hunger gone, even less signal, nothing to decypher, blames and ashes. I give it all away anyway, coffee driven life, sometimes diet soda, a few bites and then long sleepy nights. I tend to accomodate my medication in order to be up earlier on shifted days. That's how sick i've turned, that's how far i am. I'm not in a station, i'm climbing the defences, down. Benway seemt worrysome about my status but i doesn't know half of quarter of what i indulge to myself. Broken bones, scarfed organs, dictatorship of the being, soul-less, sign-less, extreme pain affecting. I had stones and i had dust and it all ends up in space.
Wasted
Going under, null score, neither strokes, neither anything good. The junk is there inside. Long gone memories, ready for another session of fibers, let the realm of doom in, let them outside, we don't take no prisoner. This is understood and that is so much better. Stoned and dethrowned, what could beworse will end up there. Silence, no apetite, no reason to continue, days feel like numbers, all these years have passed me by, there's no space left for doubt, no reason to hope for anything. Period.