I fell again for Marie. It felt like she was most obvious as she ever was. It's not about physics but karma and attitude. I don't deserve the kingdom but i still have to figure out why she accepted to have lunch with me. Where does she go, what does she do ? I know how it feels when she's next me. Stacks all over again.
Master turns loco, Canadian border. I throw away the key to the attic. Shrine plastic. The truth is I love her in the most decent lematized way. I'm just a wanker and should stick to AJAX and being the late solitary uncle. Merco benz, benz, benz. What are you talking about.
I've discarded my privacy and have commited to some ideologies ; I should accept the consequences and live by the code and feel no remorse not to have an intimate sentimental life. DOM scripting or XSLT forging should be more exciting than having lunch with her on a monday.
It feels bad because i keep something secret from Dr Benway. In the bus 80, on my way home, i cried. Rejoicing hands. Her temple is a shrine. Let there be time. Making that up. To cope.
Vanity lem.
Nihilists amongst the comitee, we are now a minority. The carnival is over and the transports are gone. I used to be citizen and now do i feel the pressure. We do not have many options. Today will i tell her how much i appriciated that lunch. The Director wants to expand me, make a joint venture. Maybe shall i remind him how limited i am. Narrow in all dimension.
Being a donkey and stick to playing oil panic. I mean it this time.
Is this desire ? I don't lust after her, i just want to spend more time, hold her hand while walking. She, in the mirror at the Opera. She, in tag soup. I'll be decent, unobtrusive. I realize we've never touched. There's the religious shift. Later that night, what's the point of my life ? I know Benway wants me to keep away from that mindstate but there are all mine so many mistakes. I always end up in the nihilist's assylum. It all ends up with me sueing me.
Duty free to myself, i'm on orbit, loosing my cells. Shelter from the storm makes me understand that i'm not really after dating her. About a wedding or status quo. Loving her would be too hard to handle. Same night, same person, 6:11AM. More design, more schemes, most wanted. The shifting bomb was about to implode. The pod leaves the station.
She dances behind the fluffy clouds. Wasted in the attic, could it be more problematic ? It's written, don't look back. My massive investment in knowledge is paying off. XML, XSLT, DOM scripting, AJAX, it all lines up. That december was stellar. I thought i was awake. Someone's dead, someone important but i don't know who. Infected.
I'm into systemism but i'm lost to mankind or manhood. The uptime turn amazing. Scott never reboots, Piotr is stable and more usable and Thiago stays near to me and helps in debug and remote. I. Never.
06:34, listening to cheesy french songs or spiritual country music. The trains are gone. It'll be a casual day for a nigger like me. I'll be a long and solitary winter. I'll expire.
07:03, they'll wake up and we'll do as if. Was i ? Niñetto, 21 transports and a zillion remorses and spirit mortification behind. Citizens, farmer in the city. The stars are starting to fade. This is december the 13th and the day will emerge. Lights, noises, moves. The impact of ambient findability is yeto be absorbed when it comes to me. Where is Goldmund ?
Went to work too early. Started working then it really felt like a heart attack, a stroke so painfull that my workmate called for help and the servicemen took me to the hospital. After oxygen and medication, it felt much better. After analysis it appeared there was nothing wrong with me. If it was not a physical problem then i have to interpet it as a signal. I have yet to decipher but that must be something important. Later when I went home, still was it painfull so went i early to bed to wake up by midnight.
Most of the time.
I can handle but i don't know what's the point. I don't need the money, nor do i want the freedom that it's supposed to provide. I've tried to ask. Most of the time. I must a sick or loco. To endure. It went away, the shine of my outh. Sad and ageing, soon enough to be old and angry. Lifespan or namespace ? Series in blank, don't stand by the bank, Ossan Hassan, too many drugs. Heart temporary failure. Someone else would have been upset. Grey like life.
We had terms outside of the box, taking satellites for targets. Shelter from the inner storm. I was sad again because of the low that follows a code/debug high. All after one thing i don't care about. Do you reach the über-being through DOM, XPath or something else ? What i miss, what i'll ignore, the messenger i tried to connect through transports. Who do you think you read, something you should get rid of, disposable, anticipation. I let her down to let her fly away.
The fake stroke, the lies, i divide and resign. Mary will be happy ever after. I'll be alone, it'll get worse, i'll decay the decoy.
Transports forbidden, i was at the station, train 21, Niñetto, i used to be a citizen, the pressure of love, where war is no more, Lord help me yesterday, i question my faith, mary is not, never will be, machines, random proofs of the Prophet, not any closer, missunderstood, sinner inside, timeout, decay, refuse, temptations, commit, fake thoughts, the trains have all left the station.
